Power and Perfection - Siriusly!
by Steve2
Summary: Released from prison. His godson missing. Voldie gone for good. Sirius sat on a chair thinking what he could do when a bat flew through a window. It was an omen! He could become Batma… no, wait, that was already done. He could become…
1. Chapter 1: An Omen - Siriusly!

Power and Perfection – Siriusly!

 **By Steve2**

 **Author's Note** : This is a work of fiction. I do not own anything related to DC Comics or its characters. I do not own anything related to Harry Potter or its characters. This is just a bit of silliness that came to me and wouldn't leave until I put it to paper. Or something like that.

 **Introduction** : The author Rorschach's Blot has a file that he adds one-shots or story drabbles to as the muse hits. It is called Odd Ideas. In chapter 165 he introduced a cross-over of Harry Potter and the DC Universe. That story began with the DC Comics character Mercy Graves, age 13, in a very bad situation. She is about to be viciously attacked when a voice begins talking in her head and floods her being with power. In exchange for helping her, the voice wants her to become Harry Potter's, age 8, protector. She agrees, eventually meets Harry, does some fiendishly wicked things to some fiendishly wicked people, and the two of them are off. At a later time, the two, now older (ages 14 and 19), encounter a few DC heroes. Odd Ideas, chapters 165, 166, 168, 169 and 171 are the current chapters of the Mercy/Harry storyline at the time I started this story. If you have not read them, you may want to. The story is good, but _extremely_ violent. Bad things happen to bad people in that story. Overall, you do not need to read that story to understand this one, but it does help with understanding the Harry and Mercy characterizations and settings.

Knowing my writing ability, like some regular readers do, I will admit that I don't write violence for violence's sake. I do include violent things, but I try to tamper that with massive doses of humor.

Which brings us to this tale. I could have written a humorous version of Harry and Mercy (who are called Power and Perfection in the aforementioned chapters of Rorschach's Blot story). But that would have hampered Rorschach's Blot overall story more than helped it. So I took another path. This story is about a concerned godfather and his search for his missing godson in a DC universe filled with bad guys.

 **-o0o-**

 **Chapter 1: An Omen – Siriusly!**

The name's Black. Sirius Black. And I am one stupid S-O-B.

I guess I should back up and tell the world why I'm so stupid. James and I met the first day of school and became best friends. Through thick and thin, through accusations from other students as well as teachers (which, truthfully, they were all justified in making), he and I weathered everything the world could throw at us. We graduated from Hogwarts and became Aurors. Becoming an Auror wasn't stupid, not at the time.

We trained and fought against Death Eaters and Voldemort multiple times. Fighting them wasn't so much stupid, as desperate to survive.

James and his wife Lily went into hiding, made me their secret keeper verbally so others could overhear, but then switched to Peter with me as bait. I could live as bait. I didn't mind. It would give them, as well as my godson, a chance to survive. But it was not a good plan. Peter was a bad guy in hiding who later sold my friends out and managed to get them killed in the meantime. Still, that did not make me proclaim myself el stupid gringo #1.

Peter ran after he got James and Lily killed, and I ran after him, attempting to right a wrong, even though I left my godson in the hands of Hagrid. I felt at the time an immense loss of my friends. And _that_ was stupid mistake #1. They were gone and Harry was left alone. I should have concentrated on him then, but in my grief I sought to kill the rat.

It didn't work out that way, unfortunately, and I went to wizard prison, a true destination to avoid at all costs, if one wants to hold onto their sanity.

Now while I'm in prison reading the good works of Saul Tigh, the previous tenant of my cell who managed to write his biography in blood on the cell wall before bleeding out with of all things, an 'Aaaaa' (also written in blood), my godson was sent to live with his aunt Petunia, a royal bitch even if she wasn't a blueblood. I didn't know that, of course, since the locals all thought me a closet Death Eater that they would rather see dead than anywhere near the magical society savior known as Harry Potter.

Harry was there for 7 years and when he was 8 years of age, something good and bad happened to his uncle and aunt. The good was that they died. The bad was how they died. It was pretty horrific. I saw the memories later. Suspicion at the time was Harry had either been used in the dark ritual that took his aunt and uncle or was going to be the main course for the next one. I wish I could have said I was part of it, but I wasn't.

Some things happened around magical Britain due to Harry's release from the Dursley house-prison, and next thing you know I'm a free bloke.

A free bloke without any knowledge of what happened to my godson, where to find him, or anything other than I was now head of the Black household. The only good thing that happened was the Lucius got the Kiss and was then cremated. Good riddance.

Andi and her family took me in and helped me heal. Cissy and young Draco sought to help me out as well. They kept me sane, but could not make me whole. My brother, James, was gone. His wife, gone. Their son, my godson, was missing. Having him back in my life would make me whole. So I moped around Britain for 6-years, give or take, and _that_ was stupid mistake #2. I was not proactive in finding Harry. I was reactive.

Not all was doom and gloom, however. Harry did resurface not too long ago when he was about 14. Apparently, he was with a young woman, or as Kreacher stated: the Great Mistress. I certainly hoped she was the one to rescue Harry from his Aunt and Uncle. And if she'd been the one to use that dark ritual then, so much the better.

He and that young woman managed to do some interestingly destructive things to some interestingly bad artifacts, as well as to some interestingly bad people, and then they were gone again. I had missed him by minutes. But what had he been doing all this time? Sitting around going to school and looking at pretty girls? No! He had been out in the world fighting the good fight. Like his father.

Harry and the young woman had managed to find and destroy Voldemort's soul anchors. Then dispatched him. And on top of that, they managed to dispatch Peter in a very painful way. Sigh. I wish I had been there to see it; the bloody rat deserved it and more.

And was this all there was to my stupidity? No again!

I now knew my godson was out in the world fighting for the good, or at least against evil-doers. I knew he wasn't in Britain. I put out a feeler with the bank for him. And that was it. _That_ is what made me the biggest and stupidest S-O-B in the world.

I was again reactive instead of proactive.

A few more months had passed since Harry had been in Merry Ol' England. I avoided much of magical society and had for years. I liked London and went on walks all the time. One day I stopped at a cinema, paid my admission, and watched an Aussie fight a croc to save a damsel in distress, and get taken to NY by her when the camping trip was over. Some things happened in there and near the end, he said he was going to go on a walkabout.

The credits were rolling as I sat in that old seat with tears on the back and gum on the arm rests, thinking, what the hell did I have waiting in Britain these days? That Mick Dundee knew what he was saying. Walkabout. I needed to get out of London, get out of England.

Maybe it would help me find Harry. Maybe not. But it would help me find myself again.

One thing was for sure: with Voldemort dead for good, there was really no reason for Harry to return to Britain. But maybe, just maybe, I could find him in the outside world.

 **-o0o-**

I returned to the manor, now with a much nicer feel since Kreacher was working to clean it up and not just snap at Dobby. The last time I took off on a whim, it cost me my freedom for 7 years. I was not going to make that mistake again. I needed a plan. Or at least an idea of where to go where extradition was hard to enforce.

Oh, yeah. And they needed to speak English since the majority of my foreign language skills tended to reside with hand gestures, and not the complementary ones. No indeed. I needed to do a bit of studying.

I went out to my favorite book shoppe and gathered the latest periodicals, returned home and began reading up on other cultures. So engrossed in the writing I missed it when Draco entered the study.

"Can I borrow that issue when you're done, Uncle Sirius?" Draco said while I was engrossed in the inner-workings of a city in the United States.

"Huh?"

"You know, that comic you're reading. Superman. I want to finish reading that story arc."

"Uh, yeah. Sure. Here you go. I was just reading the articles. Not looking at the pictures."

"What do you mean? Comics are pictures and text. There aren't any articles."

"What are you two talking about in here anyway?" Andi requested, walking into the study.

"Uncle Sirius was reading this comic but saying all he was reading was the articles."

"Hmmm. That's what your Uncle Sirius used to say when his mother caught him reading a copy of Bouncing Boobs."

"They had good articles," Sirius didn't bother to deny it.

"How would you know?" Andi replied. "Your head was going up and down to match the action of the boobs as I recall."

"How did you know?! You weren't there."

"Sirius, your grin gave everything away."

"Yeah, yeah. Draco, feel free to read any of them. Andi, I need to talk to you for a few minutes. Alone."

 **-o0o-**

It took a few more weeks before I had everything I needed. I had a rucksack with a lot more in it than a muggle would carry. I made Andi acting head of House Black. Draco was back at school, pranking everyone he could while maintaining his façade as a harmless Hufflepuff, and was still trying to find a way to get that Hermione girl to date him. At breakfast I let the rest of the family know I was going on walkabout. I didn't mention that my walkabout might including stints with heroes as a way to possibly entice a meeting with Harry.

"How long will you be gone?" Cissy asked with an arched eyebrow. The family, minus Draco, was seated around the kitchen table.

"As long as it takes to find myself, Cissy."

"Well, try to avoid the low-life bars or you will be finding yourself in a world of hurt."

"Or married to a prostitute," Andi supplied.

"It could be worse," I returned.

"Fred Garvin, the male prostitute you found yourself with two years ago at that wharf tavern we found you in might beg to differ," Cissy replied with a grin.

"Thanks, Cissy. Take care too."

"Where do you think you're heading?"

"I think the United States. Maybe Metropolis would be a good place to start. I hear they have some interesting places to see, concerts to hear, and museums to visit. I think I'll go muggle for a bit and see how the bigger half lives."

"Have fun storming the castle," Tonks said, wrapping me a strong hug.

"It'd take a miracle," I grinned back at my hair-color changing cousin.

 **-o0o-**

That Dundee fella was set to leave NY on foot, walking everywhere. Unfortunately, Britain was surrounded by water and as such, I used my Gringotts credit card to book passage on British Air to head for Metropolis. I'd try out my walking shoes there, provided I couldn't hail a cab.

 **-o0o-**

Turns out no one walks in NY if they can help it. That's what the cabbie said. He dropped me off at the Four Seasons. I'd try that walkabout thing again tomorrow, after a good night's sleep. Well, a good night's sleep aided by someone I'd met on the flight.

 **-o0o-**

 **Author's Note:**

Thus ends Sirius' stay in England. More chapters to follow. Reviews make me work harder. Did anyone catch the Easter eggs in the story? Point them out and win a cameo in a future chapter. Hint: Easter eggs will be an ongoing thing for all chapters.

This is not a particularly fast-moving story. I am currently writing multiple stories and when I get blocked on one, I jump to another to keep the creativity going. This is one of those stories I jump to in order to energize myself to continue other projects. I have a lot of humor in the chapters I've already created but am not sure if it hits the crack-fic zaniness yet. I'll leave that to the reviewers to decide.


	2. Chapter 2: Superman Chronicles 2A - 2B

Chapter 2: The Superman Chronicles – Siriusly! Parts 2A & 2B 2A: An Early Morning Phone Call

By **Steve2**

 **Author's Note** : This is a work of fiction. I do not own anything related to DC Comics or its characters. I do not own anything related to Harry Potter or its characters. This is just a bit of silliness that came to me and wouldn't leave until I put it to paper. Or something like that.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

"You have a call! You have a call!" intoned an ominous voice similar to Vincent Price just before he would break out into a cackle.

Zatanna Zatara's eyes cracked open as she looked at the bedside digital clock.

"Who the hell…?" she muttered, fumbling to find the damn phone.

"You have a call! I told you that you have a call. Ah-hah-hah-hah-haaaa!"

"Shut it, Vinny," Zatanna muttered darkly while realizing her enchanted phone was also enchanted to not shut up until the ringing stopped. Much like a normal phone, only it sounded better to call it enchanted.

"Who is it!" she shouted into Vinny's ear as she lifted the phone out of his hand and put it up to her left ear.

"Miss Zatanna?" a polite British-sounding voice said calmly.

"Yes?! Do you know what time it is?!"

"Certainly. It is 4:38am local time in San Francisco, California, United States. Did I catch you at a bad time?"

Zatanna grit her teeth as she rubbed the sleep out of her head. Or lack of sleep since she had only gotten to bed a couple hours earlier. Still, the voice sounded amused and… wait a minute…

"Power?"

"The one and only, Miss Zatanna. I do apologize for the early morning call for you, but I thought you might wish for some information in order to prepare for it."

"Do you mind if I record this conversation?" she reached out to poke Vinny to start the recording.

"Certainly, Miss Zatanna. Once you press Vincent's left eye I shall begin my narrative."

"Ow!" Vinny mumbled as the recorder started.

"Ready," a now-alert Zatanna Zatara said.

"Wonderful. I wanted to give you a heads up that one Sirius Black has just left England on a flight headed towards America. Metropolis specifically. His flight is now wheels-up and should arrive later today."

"Sirius Black," Zatanna tried to remember the significance of the name.

"He is one of _those_ Blacks," Power supplied the missing piece.

"Oh! Right. I thought he was in Azkaban for treason and oath-breaking," Zatanna recalled the name. "Did he break out? Is he looking to start up a cult following here?"

"He was released years ago, actually. False charge."

"I'm not following the reason for this call," Zatanna admitted.

"Sirius Black is currently going on a world-wide walkabout. First stop, Metropolis. As part of his walkabout activities, he wishes to explore becoming a hero. A… _superhero_ if you catch my meaning."

"What's his power… oh crap! He's a wizard! He's got a ton of powers!"

"Correct. Plus his upbringing was in the British Magical society…"

"Could be worse," Zatanna summarized off the top of her head.

"And… as part of the Original 20."

Power paused as Zatanna processed that bit of news.

"Oh crap!" Zatanna realized what that also entailed. After all she'd had the oh-so-wonderful experience of dealing with those backward, egotistical, self-absorbed, idiotic blowhards in Britain before. And if a wizard was going to become a superhero without knowing what that really entailed… she wasn't sure if a city would still be standing when they finished… or still exist. But that wasn't the worst part.

Being one of the Original 20 made it worse. Significantly worse.

"Indeed," Power agreed with her summation.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

2B: Meeting Room Discussions

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Somewhere not on the planet Earth, but near enough to matter, Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Cybog, Flash, and J'onn J'onzz assembled into a conference room with Zatanna. She gave an overview of who was on his way to Metropolis, an overview of his abilities, played Vincent's recording and brought up a picture of Sirius Black from his wanted poster days.

Batman was glad that Zatanna had the foresight to at least give them as much information as she had on this Sirius Black. Unlike some people he had worked with who would have simply said, "Some wizard is coming to town; take care of it."

"…and because his powers can rewrite a city, that is why we need to ensure Sirius Black is properly trained as a hero," Zatanna finished.

The Flash operated at a speed well beyond anyone else in the world, as well as much of the cosmos, and as such, tended to let his mind drift. A lot. He did pay attention, but when a person spoke in real time for all of 20 seconds, it might as well as been 20 hours to say those few words. Which is why the Flash needed to summarize as much as he could. "So let me summarize this. One: There is a wizard on a plane heading for Metropolis."

"Yes," answered Zatanna, well aware of Flash's wandering thoughts.

"He wants to be a superhero and has the mojo to back him up."

"Yes."

"He can change anything into anything else."

"Transfigure, and yes," Zatanna agreed.

"And we need to train him up to be a hero."

"A bit simple, but yes."

"I still don't get why we have to train this wizard to be a hero instead of just shipping him back to where he came, or better yet, just arresting him once he does something he shouldn't," Cyborg said.

"Oh! Forgot to mention this. The reason it is so important to train this specific wizard is that while other wizards can have their escapades mitigated or even reversed by any of the world's aurors, he is of the really ancient nobility, part of a group known as the Original 20."

"What does that actually mean?" Cyborg said.

"History lesson," she began. "The first wizarding school was built in England about 1000 AD. This began the unification of wizards and witches across the world as part of a global society. For the next two centuries treaties between magical societies were created. In 1215, the Magna Carta was signed. Around that time the Original 20 came into being. These 20 families were the original magical moneylenders."

"I don't understand the significance," J'onn J'onzz admitted. He already knew that humans were crazy.

"The significance," Zatanna started, "was the clauses they added to their magical contracts for moneylending."

"Let me guess," Batman said. "What they say goes, or else."

"Close," Zatanna replied. "It was more along the lines of: 'I won't screw you over as long as you allow me, and any other heads of my family line to do whatever magic I want whenever I want with no restrictions.' Of course, the penalty clause was very strict to the point it would bankrupt the person borrowing money."

"If it's just money, that doesn't sound so bad," Superman suggested.

"It's worse than you think," Zatanna pointed out. "The Original 20 kept going for another century, being the moneylenders not just for England, but the known world. People and governments borrowed from them. Enter the goblins. They eventually become the wizarding world's moneylenders, thus pushing out the Original 20. But the Original 20 contracts were still in effect as long as the families still existed."

"How bad financially are we talking about if this Black's magic is countered by another magical?" Batman said.

"Global financial meltdown."

"Financials of magicals only?" Batman clarified.

"Not any longer," Zatanna informed. "That meltdown will start with the magical societies but will quickly escalate to all markets across the world. Then things get worse as about a million magical people in the world need to find jobs and money for their hungry families. Figure at least 10 percent of them will go criminal. That's about 100 thousand people with powers similar to Black who we would need to fight on a constant basis."

"And now the picture comes into focus," Superman said, realizing how bad things could go.

"So how'd this guy end up in the clink if he could command others to let him go?" Flash wondered aloud.

"I wondered the same thing. My best guess was that he wasn't head of his family then and didn't get to be head until he was out. And only the head of a family gets to wield Original 20 authority."

Batman frowned. "Isn't there a way around what he does?"

"Yes," Zatanna replied. "A majority vote by the remaining heads of families of the original 20 can force any reversal of any of its members. That was a clause stipulated by all the wizarding world governments in 1637."

"Can't we just contact these remaining heads of families and get a blanket reversal for anything this Sirius Black does?" Superman hoped. He really, really didn't want a wizard coming to Metropolis. After all, Superman was strong, fast, could fly, and was invulnerable, but even he was susceptible to magic.

Zatanna shook her head. "No. Reason: the Original 20 is now down to just seven families. One is Black, so that leaves six. One is missing and has been for eight years. Down to five now. Another is not of age and his grandmother, acting as regent of the family, cannot dispute anything Black does due to that wonderful backward British law enforcing sex discrimination. All disputes of the remaining 20 must be done by heads of families that are male, and of adult age."

Batman shook his head. "I hesitate to ask and suspect I know the answer, but what about the remaining four families?"

"Two families exist with only women members. One in France. The other in Germany. When they are of age, once they marry, their husband will become the head of that line and can vote. Until then, they have no say-so in what Black does. Of the final two families, one has its head of household confined to the magical psych ward and is unable to pass his position to his brother who would be next in line. That family is in India. And the last family, this one in Norway, consists of one elderly male who thinks he is a tree."

"A tree? Shouldn't he be in the magical psych ward as well?" Flash suggested.

"You would think, but he's not a danger to himself since he actually managed to transfigure himself into a tree. Problem here is that he won't turn back. And no one has the authority to make him do so. And once he goes, the remaining Original 7 families will become 6 families. And we are still a few years away from any of those families helping out here. This is why we need to find Sirius Black and help him become a superhero."

"Agreed," Batman replied. "Left unchecked he will be a menace."

"Sounds like he will be a menace regardless," Wonder Woman theorized.

"Agreed," Batman replied again. "But hopefully a menace that will put things back the way he found it. Let's get eyes on Black now."

Once the senior JLA members agreed that Sirius Black needed hero-training, Batman immediately implemented a plan to intercept the wizard by sending several non-powered Watchtower workers (who all preferred the term 'operatives' thank you very much) to the airport to locate and either intercept Sirius Black, or at least follow him to a destination.

"What's the op, Joe?" asked operative #2.

"Same as always, Bob," operative #1 replied. "Another goose chase. Same as last time. That's all they ever use operatives like us for."

"Damn. I was hoping for something good this time."

"C'mon, let's check the arrival boards and then get something to drink while we wait."

Two hours, thirteen minutes, three coffees (each), and four trips to the restroom (each) later, both operatives were still waiting to sight their target to exit customs. They never did notice a glamoured man exit the men's room on the check-in side of the airport, look for someone for a few minutes, drop the glamor before smiling at someone he met on a flight, and escorting that flight attendant out the airport on their way to a nice hotel where he could spend the night and recover from his jet lag.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

 **Author's Note:**

I used 1st person narration in chapter 1 and 3rd person narration in this chapter. I will admit that this was unintentional, and happened as I am currently working on multiple stories so the 1st vs. 3rd went by my edits when it shouldn't have. However, I am currently working on yet another story where I intentionally mix first and third narration styles within the same chapter, so all is not lost. I will not change what has already happened, and instead work on making upcoming chapters work with the first and third narrations. After all, it is good practice for my other story.


	3. Chapter 3: Superman Chronicles 2C

2C: Introductions over Coffee

 **Author's Note** : This is a work of fiction. I do not own anything related to DC Comics or its characters. I do not own anything related to Harry Potter or its characters. This is just a bit of silliness that came to me and wouldn't leave until I put it to paper. Or something like that.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Sirius woke early the next morning. Early being 9-ish local time. He looked around the room and moments later remembered where he was. Metropolis. Time for that walkabout, he knew. However, at that time Jessica stirred next to him.

Well… walkabout in a bit.

Several hours later, Jessica left the Four Seasons Hotel with a good story to tell her roommate, Lisa. She had met a man who was going to be a hero. He had powers. He had moved the bed with her in it. Literally! She had bagged a superhero! She would later regret not getting his super name. Not that it would have helped, but still! A superhero!

As Jessica got into a cab, Sirius was busy exiting the shower. Finally dry, he noticed that Jessica had left, and proceeded to get ready for that walkabout. Somehow he knew he'd have to learn to be a superhero. It couldn't be that hard, he theorized to himself. Soon dressed in the height of muggle clothes consisting of blue jeans (tastefully torn at the knee on his right leg), and a black and red flannel checker shirt with threadbare elbows (tastefully plucked off a clearance rack by a certain magical seamstress that knew other magicals didn't know dick about making clothes, so what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them), he made his way to the front desk and greeted the clerk. The nametag indicated his name was Peter.

"Hey, P," Sirius started. There was no way on Earth he was ever going to use the name 'Peter' again.

"Yes, sir. How may I help you?" Front Desk Manager Peter McMaster inquired. He remembered the man from yesterday and knew where he was staying in the hotel. After all, they didn't rent out the top suite to just anyone. It required money to stay there and apparently this man had it, no matter how he was dressed.

"Gotta question for you. I need to do a walkabout and shouldn't take planes and cabs everywhere. I think. So, do you have any idea how to go about doing a walkabout in this city?"

Walkabout? Peter thought hard to translate the British gentleman's meaning. Oh! Walk around the city. Walking tour. Right. "Yes, sir. I can set you up with a walking tour of the city. Is there any specific place you would like to go?"

"Really? There's tour guides for walkabouts? That's brilliant. I thought I'd have to wing it."

"Understandable, sir. Is this your first time in Metropolis?"

"Yep. It shows, doesn't it?"

"Not at all, sir," Peter lied.

"Liar," Sirius grinned at P. "Sure. Tour guide would be great. Where do I meet him?"

"Is there any place you would like to start, sir?"

"Well, I am hungry and could go for something strong to drink this morning."

"Yes, sir. Our hotel restaurant is now serving lunch if you would like."

Sirius turned around to see the busy restaurant. Scratch that. A busy and noisy restaurant. Filled with tables having tablecloths. Ugh. He grimaced and turned back to talk with P. "Too busy. Anything quieter? And less… formal?"

"Yes, sir," Manager McMaster replied immediately. "Out the doors, turn right, one block down. There is a coffee bistro that also serves snacks. It is quieter than our restaurant. I can have a tour guide meet you there and you can work out with him or her where you would like to go. After all, there is nothing better to start a day than a hot cup of flavored coffee with a cookie in it I always say."

"Brilliant! Let's do that. What's the name of the place?"

In short order, Sirius Black took the sage advice and was on his way to a fine establishment known locally as: Central Perk.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Many miles away, Batman received the information he anticipated. The filed report sent by the technicians the prior evening indicated that Sirius Black never came through customs on any of the flights that stopped or originated in England. The flight he was booked on (which they hacked into the reservation systems to find out names and genders of all travelers) indicated someone was on that flight, but that the person vanished upon arrival at the airport.

What Batman, Superman, and even Dr. Fate didn't know was that the magical world had their own customs at all international stops and when Sirius walked off the international flight and into the airport, he was met and escorted to a smaller customs window where the mention of his name immediately opened the way to a specific men's room permanently-broken toilet stall that was used by magical customs as an exit point. Seeing the exit point, Sirius regretted not going to Miami first as the magical customs exit there was via a portkey to a strip club.

Once Batman reported that Sirius Black had vanished from customs that was when Zatanna remembered there were magical customs. She herself never used them as she was a world-known celebrity and needed to go through regular customs. Anticipating that Sirius Black was indeed in Metropolis, Dr. Fate and Zatanna went to town scrying his whereabouts, never thinking a simple privacy spell on Sirius' penthouse suite (put there by Sirius as he didn't want anyone to interrupt his and Jessica's fun antics on a floating-in-the-air bed) would have stopped their scrying efforts.

Batman did not believe magic was the best course of action in every case so had put out electronic feelers for someone like Sirius Black. Data began streaming in. An S. Black had checked into the Four Seasons. Not in itself odd, but the individual took the penthouse suite. That meant money, which he was assured Sirius Black had. A hacked image from the hotel found an image of the specific person from only minutes earlier. It was their man. He made a call.

"Zatanna? It's Batman. Sirius Black has a room at The Downtown Four Seasons. He left the hotel five minutes ago on foot. You've picked up his location? Okay. Keep me informed."

Finally, he knew. Something was going their way.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Dr. Fate has his senses working overtime when Zatanna got the call from Batman telling her where Sirius was. She let him finish up as interrupting a spell like that was always dangerous to someone. Usually the caster, but not always.

Minutes later, Dr. Fate said, "I sense he is at a place that sells coffee. And scones. And other baked goods."

"Yeah," Zatanna said, grabbing her coat and hat. "He's at Central Perk. C'mon, sunshine, let's go introduce ourselves."

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Sirius had learned to enjoy the simple things in life after his stay in Azkaban. He enjoyed sitting outside the bistro even if it was on metal mesh chairs (he charmed the one he was on to be more comfortable – he wasn't stupid after all). He enjoyed his flavored coffee. But he really enjoyed not eating scones which it seemed that someone was always trying to shove into his mouth. He wanted something tastier. And not liable to crack his teeth. That was why he was enjoying eating his banana-nut muffin.

Of course, the universe hated him and that was shy it sent a couple oddballs heading towards his table. A woman and a man wearing oddball costumes, even if the woman was very attractive. Maybe they were heroes of some sort? Or hero-assistants? The woman spoke first.

"Sirius Black? Nice to meet you. My name is Zatanna and I'm one of the JLA's magical team members."

Sirius nearly spit out his bit of muffin. "Jeez, lady, why don't you break the Statue of Secrecy to everyone already? Now I have to obliviate everyone." Sirius jerked his wrist and came out his wand, a spell ready on his lips.

Dr. Fate, golden helmet still on, held up a cautionary hand. "No need, my friend. We are known world-wide as magicals. May we sit down?"

"Really? Muggles know you are magicals?"

"Of course," Dr. Fate replied as he sat down.

Sirius, a bit skeptical, looked at the mid-20's couple staring at him and the two costumed people with him and asked, "You guys know who either of these two are?"

"Uh," the young man with black hair looked at the young woman with black hair started.

"She's Zatanna," the young woman said with a thick east coast accent. "The guy? Dunno who he is."

"Who's Zatanna?" Sirius continued of the couple.

"She does magic shows around the world. Better than Copperfield," the young woman replied.

"Uh," the man said again, his brain still rebooting.

"Thanks," Sirius beamed at the young girl. "Your boyfriend doesn't seem to be saying much."

"Probably because he's not my boyfriend, but my brother. And he's an idiot."

"I hear you," Sirius schmoozed. "Again, thanks for the information on Zatanna. Can I get you anything as a way of saying thanks?"

"Oh, I'm good," the young woman replied.

"I could go for a smoothie," the young man finally said.

"Brilliant!" Sirius smiled and handed them a C-note. "Here. Have some of this funny American money and get a smoothie."

"Thanks!" the young man took the offered money and went back into Central Perk.

"Ross!" yelled the young woman who went after him.

Sirius turned back to the two costumed people. "Okay, seems someone knows who you are. And I can't see any villain running a magic show no matter what."

Zatanna had seated herself and replied with a smile, "True. Not a villain. I am a hero. As is Dr. Fate here."

"And muggles are really okay with you two showing the world you have magic because let me tell you, I can smell the magic in that tin can on your head."

"Yes, they are okay with it," Dr. Fate said evenly. "And this golden helmet is not made of tin. But gold."

"Gold plating, maybe," Sirius muttered, thinking it just might be better to talk to the prettier of the two heroes.

"Excuse me," a waitress came up to them. "Hi. My name is Rachel, and I have to say I really loved your show on NBC last month, Miss Zatanna. I don't know how you did all those tricks!"

"Thanks," Zatanna replied easily. "Say, could I trouble you for a cup of coffee, black, with sugar and milk on the side?"

"Sure!" Rachel turned to leave.

"I too could go for a beverage," Dr. Fate said after the retreating waitress. It didn't help. He looked at Zatanna and sighed. "She never takes my order."

"Probably because you never tip when you buy your chai tea," Zatanna pointed out, then decided she needed to concentrate on the other magical at their table. "Sorry about that," she said brightly.

"No worries," Sirius agreed. "You both know me. How about me getting to know you two a bit more."

"I am Dr. Fate," the L-7 responded immediately.

"That doesn't sound like a wizarding name, mate," Sirius pointed out, slurping his tea to irritate the man into hopefully leaving him with the pretty dish next to him.

"I am not a wizard, sir," Dr. Fate said evenly. "I am a sorcerer thanks to my helmet." There. He was announced.

"That tin can provides you power? What? You possessed by it or something?"

Dr. Fate made no reply.

"You are!" Sirius understood. "Shit. Don't worry, buddy. I'll remove that possessing spirit right now."

"It is no possessing spirit, my friend," Dr. Fate again moved to stop Sirius from pulling his wand. "Nabu speaks to me via the helmet."

"Nabu? You mean Nabu the Wise?"

"You have heard of Nabu?" Dr. Fate was amazed. He was aware of no one who knew Nabu.

"Everyone's heard of Nabu," Sirius said.

Under the helmet, Dr. Fate smiled at the vindication of his choice to wear the magical helmet.

"Nabu's the biggest asshole out of the old Egyptian Gods," Sirius pointed out.

"Ross! Give him his change!" the young woman yelled at her brother who now had a very large smoothie in his hands.

"Fine, Monica," Ross gave in. "Thanks for the smoothie, sir," Ross smiled and handed Sirius the change.

"Thank you both," Sirius again said. "But please, keep the change. I don't need it."

"I can't," Ross started.

"More like he shouldn't," Monica pressed.

"Anyone here hungry? Yeah? Say, Rob…" Sirius started.

"Ross," the young man corrected.

"Ross. Do you mind using the change to get us all some fun things to eat? Anything is fine, but make sure to tip the waitress well, okay?"

"Yes sir!" Ross went back into Central Perk.

"Say, Monica," Sirius started. "I don't suppose you have any superhero stories you can tell me? I am from out of town and would love to hear more stories once Dr. Fate and his golden asshole Nabu-infused helmet are gone."

"I am afraid I must leave," Dr. Fate stood, his voice even.

"Fate?" Zatanna looked up at her colleague. "Another call?"

"Of sorts. I must leave or Nabu will force me to kill Sirius."

"See?" Sirius said. "Total asshole. Can't even take a bit of easy taunting."

"Go," Zatanna said to Dr. Fate who nodded and flew off faster than she had ever seen him go before.

"Sure," Monica said, pulling up a chair. "I know lots of stories."

"Great!" smiled Sirius, catching her eyes. Ross, order given to Rachel for all the sweets the change from the C-Note would cover (plus a suitable tip), sat back down at the same table he shared with his sister. He slurped his smoothie.

"So you're in town to do… what?" Monica asked, a similar smile forming as she ignored the slurping from her brother.

"I'm here initially on a walkabout. You know, getting to know the land, the people, anything cool I can find. Stuff like that."

"What prompted the walkabout?" Zatanna said, knowing she was quickly being forgotten.

"Hmm? Oh. My godson has been missing for eight years. I'm just working through all my, uh…"

"Feelings?" Monica prompted, looking at the delicious rogue in front of her.

"Sure. Feelings. I'm working through my feelings and emotions regarding my missing godson," Sirius smiled back at Monica. Ross rolled his eyes and left the table to tell Rachel to take her time.

"You've got the abilities to find him," Zatanna said, confused. "Why can't you just, you know, zing into him?"

"Abilities?" Monica felt the word in her mouth. "What abilities?"

"Oh, Sirius here is a hero. A superhero actually," Zatanna nodded to the man.

"That I am," Sirius grinned back at Monica, leaning closer to her.

"If that's the case," Monica challenged with a grin, "then why can't you find your missing godson?"

"Tried it," Sirius admitted. "Can't. He and the young woman he's with hide themselves very well. No surprise considering how powerful they are."

"Maybe I can help," Zatanna suggested. "Do you have a picture of them? I do have access to more resources than most."

"Uh, sure," Sirius padded his pockets, and pulled out a large wallet from a space that shouldn't have been able to hold it. "It's a sketch, not a picture. No camera around when he came by the house. But the, uh, staff, gave me an accurate picture of Harry and his girlfriend." Sirius passed the picture over to Zatanna and continued talking about his missing godson, including some strange story of cutting up a soul and how his godson and his girlfriend killed a few of the wicked and destroyed an evil wizard. It was obvious that this Harry meant the world to Sirius, and he was working through his emotions as he and his godson still had not connected since he got out of prison.

Zatanna listened to everything that Sirius said, and later listened to the recording made of the entire discussion she made with Batman's tech. But it came as no surprise to her that her attention was divided when she looked at the picture and her stomach went cold. Some exaggerations of scale had been made, and the picture was more of a caricature vs. a realistic picture, but the resemblance was there. She had seen it after talking to her contacts in other parts of the world.

It was Power and Perfection.

Her job just got more complicated.

Especially when she looked up from the picture she was no longer holding and saw that Sirius was gone. So too was Monica, not that she realized that fact for another ten minutes, and that was only due to Ross returning with a tray of pastries and asking where his sister went.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

 **Author's Note:**

Anyone see anything they'd like to comment on? You know me: more reviews motivate me to write, write, write. Right?


	4. Chapter 4: Superman Chronicles 2D

2D: Information Sharing

By **Steve2**

 **Disclaimer** : This is a work of fiction. I do not own anything related to DC Comics or its characters. I do not own anything related to Harry Potter or its characters. This is just a bit of silliness that came to me and wouldn't leave until I put it to paper. Or something like that.

 **Author's Note** : A recent reviewer who signed as "Guest" came very close to what I am doing with Sirius and his cape name. The reference used was: "Dial M for Monkey". Here is what it means, and what I am doing: back in 1966, DC comics created a new storyline for their House of Mystery series. It was called: "Dial H for Hero." In it, the main character would use a "magical" dial (that looked suspiciously like a dial on a rotary phone) and he would become a different hero in each episode. Sirius will not have a dial, magical or otherwise. He will, however, explore what it means to be a superhero as he finds his identity as a superhero. This means he will wear different costumes for different reasons and display different powers for different reasons, which, truthfully, all boil down to what kind of laughs he can get. He is still Sirius after all. And Sirius don't do serious.

Recent cameos: Ross, Rachel, and Monica at Central Perk from show: Friends.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

"Hello, Alfred," Zatanna smiled as the Alfred Pennyworth opened the front door of the Wayne mansion.

"Miss Zatanna," Alfred replied with obvious sincerity. "A pleasure to see you again."

Alfred invited the JLA member in, and took her coat as soon as he closed the door.

"Thank you, Alfred," she replied as she handed him her business coat. "Is he in?"

"Absolutely, miss. He is in his office."

Zatanna smirked and asked, "Upper or lower?"

"Lower, miss. Would you like to take the lift down, or go the pole route?"

"The lift would be lovely, Alfred. I think I will let others try the pole route."

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Minutes later Zatanna opened the door to Bruce Wayne's lower office and soon enough was in a massive cave that fit the man known as Batman.

Bruce Wayne sat at a computer, reviewing files on a massive monitor, wearing his bat-suit but leaving his cowl off to gather around his shoulders.

"Where's Fate?" Batman said without looking at the young woman who entered his bat-cave.

"He took off shortly after we arrived," Zatanna replied evenly, not even bothering to guess how he knew Fate wasn't with her.

"I saw the footage from the building next door when the two of you met up with Black. No audio. Why did he leave?" Several case files of Batman's villains scrolled past. The words 'CURRENTLY INCARCERATED' was on each.

"Your bugs on me didn't pick it up?" she replied, a hint of irritation still in her voice from last time.

He turned away from the monitor, looked at her evenly, and replied, "No. I felt it unwise to put them on you without your knowledge again."

Zatanna smiled at that and said, "Good answer. Here." She handed him a USB stick.

"Notes of your meeting?" Bruce Wayne inquired.

"Yes. Plus it is a full recording I made of our talk using my methods. As is, Fate left after Black insulted him and his helmet."

"That's all it took?" Batman was accustomed to odd things, but even for him, getting razzed by people in public never made him stop his job.

She shrugged her shoulders and replied, "That's all it takes when you know what you are doing."

"Did Black insult you?"

"Not in the slightest. He was more taken by the young girl at the table next to us."

"What was your overall take on him?"

Zatanna's expression turned serious. "My take on him is that we need to talk to everyone about him. It just got more complicated."

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Hours later, at approximately GMT -4 orbit, the JLA Watchtower meeting room filled with some of the most powerful people on the planet (or off the planet in this case). Zatanna confirmed a few things with a Watchtower IT tech who quickly left once he saw it was going to be a big powers-pow-wow. Charlie Blakes, Tech-5, nodded politely to Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, Green Lantern, Flash, Dr. Fate, Cyborg, Capt. Atom, and that weird Martian Manhunter.

 _I'm not weird._

'Sorry, sorry!' Charlie thought back as he left the room, closing the door behind him.

Once the tech gone and the door sealed, Superman turned to the two magicals and said, "So what was your initial impression of Sirius Black?"

Dr. Fate removed his helmet and held it in his hands. "My helmet and I think he is reckless, egotistical, powerful, dark, and should be killed immediately," he replied with conviction.

Zatanna turned to her friend and said, "Fate! That you or the helmet talking?"

Kent Nelson waved his yellow-gloved hand imperiously and responded, "Fine. He's still a jerk though."

"I'll give you that," Zatanna replied with a nod.

Wonder Woman addressed Zatanna. "Zee? Your impression?"

Zatanna replied immediately, "Black is a womanizer. Fate was right: he is egotistical and reckless. And also a flirt to any woman."

"Worth killing?" Wonder Woman motioned towards Dr. Fate.

"Hah, no," Zatanna laughed. "Jerk he may be, but I did find out he was once a law officer before being sent to Azkaban.

"We've all met jerks in our life. Why did we all need to assemble?" Cyborg wondered since he could be doing other things more productive.

Zatanna inserted a flash drive into a slot and uploaded a picture she took of the sketch of Black's godson and his girlfriend. Sirius never noticed she had a magical camera on her uniform that recorded both audio and video. The conference room had a massive flat-screen monitor on a wall that flared to life and displayed the image of the sketch.

Zatanna looked at the monitor as did the others. She picked up a clicker and spoke to all, but remained focused on the monitor. "Sirius Black is basically doing a self-discovery world tour. He has a godson who has been missing for a decade. This is a picture of his godson and his godson's girlfriend."

"She looks older than him," Batman noticed immediately.

"She is," Zatanna replied.

"We can alert the law officials to be on the lookout for them," the Martian Manhunter supplied.

"Don't bother. They won't find them," Zatanna sighed.

"They're dead?" Flash wondered.

"No. They avoid normal law officials with ease. Here's more pictures of the couple."

Zatanna used the clicker to begin flipping through the pictures. The first picture was a black-tie affair at an art gallery. The couple was dressed like other party goers. The young man and young woman were seen sipping a beverage that was not champagne like the rest of the stuffed shirts had in their hands. The second picture was of the young couple walking by an old town with a lot of blonde people behind them dressed for the winter. It looked cold wherever they were. They were seen smiling at one another, like any other young couple. The third picture showed the same couple, same expression, same attention to one another, only this time they were in summer clothes and the people around them had mostly black hair, and dark features. The fourth picture was of the two walking away from some sort of altercation in town square. Roads were in rough shape, buildings were more wood than brick, glass or cement. The two looked as if they were talking about something. Neither looked upset with one another, just concentrating on something.

More clicking brought four new pictures in a grid. One was of a church somewhere in Spain. The next was a bloody circle under a tree in the snow. Third was a cruise ship. Fourth was of several 8-inch long spikes covered in blood.

"Gross," Flash said as he looked between the bloody snow and the bloody spikes.

"How did you get these pictures, Zatanna?" Superman asked.

"I asked some local law officials for memories and this is what I got," she replied without emotion.

Another click had the four pictures in a grid be joined with the earlier pictures of the young couple, and the four picture grid turned to an eight picture grid.

"Is this…" Batman stopped as he realized who the young couple was.

"Power and Perfection? Yes," Zatanna nodded. She pointed the a setting and young-couple combo and said, "Upper right is Power and Perfection in Bergen, Norway, approximately 7 months ago in late February. Viking relics were on display at local museum. Jewel encrusted sword on display at museum was stolen. It was found an hour later at a coffee shop, minus its scabbard. Two youths were accused of taking it which they denied. True or not, they had the sword in their possession and were taken to jail. Magical police found the scabbard three days later next to what remained of a witch in a pentagram. The blood on the snow in that picture was only hours old and belonged to that witch. That was some serious black magic performed and the scabbard was sliced in half along a specific pattern.

"They were involved in Ms. Kvonic's death?" Fate had his helmet back on.

"They were seen by an auror in town hours before the scabbard was stolen," Zatanna stated. "There was nothing else to indicate they were anywhere in the vicinity of that dark ritual, although I think they were."

"Who was this Ms. Kvonic?" Wonder Woman asked Dr. Fate.

"A demon in disguise," he replied succinctly.

"What happened with the demon," Batman wanted to know.

"It is no longer on this plane of existence," came the simple response from Fate.

"That's good, right?" Flash said.

"Yes," Zatanna replied, then motioned to the screen again. "Upper left is Madrid, Spain, 14 months ago. Aurors alerted to scene of illegal exorcism. A poltergeist was excised. Near where people saw it the most was found a cellar filled with human bones. Oldest bones identified were 40 years old, newest was no more than two years dead. It appears the poltergeist was killing people. The only saving aspect of that case was that the vics were all in their 80's."

"That's not entirely horrible," Batman agreed.

"How can you say that?" Superman asked of Batman. "Murder is never a good thing."

"True," replied the Dark Knight. "But it is worse when the victim is a child or an infant vs. a person who had many, many decades of life."

"Clark, enough!" Wonder Woman commanded as Superman was about to respond. "Zee, please continue."

"Lower right is Power and Perfection in Los Angeles, two years ago. Bueller exhibit. This is the only picture of the two from then. Invitation-only, black-tie event. They had an invitation. And it was only available as the recording was saved due to a three-ton modern art piece going missing later that evening, after closing. Several days later an auror saw them boarding a cruise ship. They never made it to Canada. Neither did Mr. and Mrs. Collins. However, the magical creatures the Collins were smuggling did make it to Victoria and handed over to Canadian aurors."

"And lower left picture?" Flash pointed to the gross bloody spikes.

"Sydney, Australia, 22 months ago. Dark ritual was performed at approximately 11:32pm. Aurors apparated to dark magic scene in the outback and found sixteen aborigine kids stuck to the ground and ready for a dark ritual. Kids were all unconscious, and fortunately tied to the stakes rather than impaled. The only adult wizard there was not so lucky as spikes were used on him. Later reports indicated that he was the one who snatched the kids. Turns out it was a man from the Philippines who was in Australia on a work visa. He was staked down to the ground himself, this time with spikes going through hands and feet. He was found still alive although he didn't stay that way.

"According to friends I have in Sydney, Daniel Reyes was knocked unconscious through physical means instead of magical, He was then staked down, and the dark ritual turned his body into a real stink-fest for the local animals and bugs. The kind of stink that says: come and get it. Spiders, snakes, crocodiles, dingos, the works. The wizard was still alive and worse, relegated to a forced-awake status as he was essentially turned into fast food for the creatures who ran up to him and began eating him alive. Apparently his body kept healing itself as long as the spikes were left in."

"Ewww," Hal Jordan grimaced.

Zatanna ignored him as she continued, "Dark Ritual alarms activated up and down the Pac-Rim. Aurors began assembling and gearing up. Approximately 12:27am, Aurors arrived on scene, nearly an hour after ritual took place. They took view of everything and several rookies on the scene thought they were doing good by removing the spikes from the wizard-vic in order to get him ready for transport, but once out, regeneration magic drained and he died within seconds.

"Magical forensics identified the ritual but not the caster which is very unusual as all casters leave identification of some sort. There was none to be found here, however. Two days later, Power and Perfection were seen by one of those Auror rookies in Magictown who only took notice of them as they were leaving a scene of two men engaged in a fistfight over a girl who he thinks he saw leaving with the young boy. No one saw anyone else involved with the dark wizard in the outback, but those two in the general vicinity? That got me thinking they are related to what happened."

"In summary, Sirius Black is the godfather of Power, right?" Flash began ticking topics off using his fingers.

"Yes," Zatanna replied.

"We need to train Black to be a proper hero or his magic output will be left alone by a magical society that does not want economic ruin," Flash summarized.

"Yes," Zatanna replied.

"If magical society goes into economic ruin, it will affect the entire world."

"Yes."

"If entire world is affected, then we will be up to our eyeballs in magical criminals."

"Yes."

"Power is the godson of Black."

"Yes."

"We can't just do anything to Black or it is likely that Power and Perfection will just show up and do something horrific to us."

"That is what I am also thinking, yes, Zatanna agreed.

"Any more bombshells?" Batman asked for everyone.

"One more," Zatanna nodded.

"Are we going to like it?" Cyborg already knew the answer he was sure.

"No."

"What is it?" said Batman.

"Power's real name is Harry Potter. In England, he is known as The-Boy-Who-Lived. At age 18 months, he was responsible for killing a dark wizard. No one knows why, but an always-fatal spell was sent towards him by that dark wizard, only it somehow rebounded and instead killed the dark wizard. His parents were killed by the same dark wizard minutes earlier and Harry Potter was sent to his aunt and uncle to live. They were killed about eight years ago in a dark ritual and he disappeared."

"Do you think he was responsible for their deaths?" Batman said.

"Unknown. But that is not the important thing," Zatanna began.

"What is?" Superman knew he was not going to like that answer.

"Harry Potter is the last of his line, and he is also one of the Original 20."

"Meaning he can demand anything magical that he does to stick around," Batman replied.

"Yes."

Wonder Woman sighed. "It is imperative that we train this Mr. Black to be the best hero he can be."

"Agreed," Batman nodded. "I think this is a Superman project."

"Thanks a lot," Superman replied, not liking being volunteered.

"You are welcome," Bruce replied. "The press likes you, so you are the hero he will most likely want to emulate."

"I can't believe those young kids are killers," Superman looked at the images of Power and Perfection.

"Life and death is something we deal with every day, Clark," Batman said. "It all boils down to motivation. Do they _want_ to kill a person, or do they _have_ to kill a person, or do they _need_ to kill a person."

"What happened in these four instances wasn't all bad," Zatanna said.

"How so?" Martian Manhunter asked, unable to read a blocked a mind like Zatanna's.

"A demon is no longer walking around Earth. A poltergeist is no longer slaughtering old tourists. A wizard who had attempted to use over a dozen kids in a ritual to extend his life is no longer preying on kids, and finally, no one has to look at the Foot In Mesh Slipper Stepping On Fresh Poop sculpture that disappeared."

"What was that?" Flash said once he couldn't find it posted anywhere online which he checked between asking the question and waiting for a response.

"Just what it sounded like. Huge. Bronze. Fresh poop squishing through the shoe and toes."

"Eewwww, gross," said Martian Manhunter, appalled what humans found to be art on this planet.

"I'm thinking that is what Power and Perfection thought as well."

"What else was it called?" Flash said.

"Argine-project_01," she replied.

"Found it!" Flash replied almost instantly, a laptop now in his hands.

"What? Where?" Zatanna smiled, hoping to put that mystery to rest.

"Great Barrier Reef," he replied. "Someone put that sculpture in as some stability for the reef. Fishes seem to like it as it has lots of places to hide."

"Hah, that's funny," Green Lantern laughed.

"People," Batman ordered. "We are getting off track here. Clark? Don't you have a hero to train?"

"Yes, I guess I do. Barry? Send me a link to that article," Superman asked.

The Flash gave him a thumbs up as the article was already on its way to his email address.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

 **Author's Note:**

Anyone see anything they'd like to comment on? You know me: more reviews motivate me to write, write, write. Right?


	5. Chapter 5: Sirius Has A Revelation 2E

2E: Sirius Has a Revelation

By **Steve2**

 **Disclaimer** : This is a work of fiction. I do not own anything related to DC Comics or its characters. I do not own anything related to Harry Potter or its characters. This is just a bit of silliness that came to me and wouldn't leave until I put it to paper. Or something like that.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Sirius had introduced himself to Monica on the walk to the hotel. He had even given her an abridged version of his past which when summed up in Monica's head went something like this:

Bachelor. Rich. Good looking. Sent to prison for crime he didn't commit. Looking for a lost relative. Rogue. Sexy. Delicious.

When he invited her up to his room, she didn't protest. Why should she: she was already enamored by his accent and by the fact he was an unjustly imprisoned former ex-cop. So sexy.

Sirius saw Monica's expression and recognized it for what it was: she wanted to make his being sent to prison by mistake something to not dwell on. And she was going to be vigorous in trying to make that memory go away. Score!

The two, hand in hand, headed for the elevator and past the front desk. Manager Peter McMaster noticed the two and made a call where he informed the street guide who was to meet Mister Black at the café that he would not be making the rendezvous.

"Yes, Lee, I'm serious. Mister Black is otherwise engaged at this time. I do not expect to see him for the remainder of the day."

"Damn," Lee groused on the other end of the phone. "This was going to be my first job of the week."

"I understand," Peter replied sympathetically. "I will try again in the morning to get you two together. And if I am not mistaken, you may wish to change your normal role of showing him standard architecture and explaining history as I do not think he will be that much into the regular tourist things."

"Change to which route?" Lee asked.

"The third package," Peter said simply.

"Really?"

"Yes. I believe he will likely be more interested in physical activities with, ah, local women. In fact, that is why you and he are not meeting right now. You have a place in mind for when he's ready?"

"Heck yeah!"

"Excellent. I will inform him when next I see him."

"Thanks, Pete! You're a lifesaver. I'll make you famous one day."

"Whatever you say, Lee," Peter smiled and hung the phone up on his long-time friend.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

The sun was not yet up the next morning when I woke, stretched and got up. I was thirsty, my hair a mess, and I was naked as the day I was born. I walked over to the room service carts (one of six) and found a bottle of water. The bucket of ice it was in had long since melted, and cool water dripped off it as I opened it and chugged half of it down. I went to the large picture window, opened the curtains and looked at the sleeping city. For a city that was asleep, there sure were a lot of lights.

Something had been bothering me. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I sure as hell remembered my auror training for something like this. I closed my eyes and stretched out my senses to feel the world around me. Smells, thoughts, sounds, thoughts, the feeling of carpet on the bottom of my feet, thoughts, less smells, thoughts, less sounds, thoughts, the carpet feeling sliding off my thoughts. There was more to it than just that, but that got me started and the odd feeling and odd thoughts came to the surface as the calming thoughts and calming feeling dropped away.

There. It was something from yesterday. The two superheroes. The hot witch, and the asshole being controlled by the tin hat. Not… their look. It was their conversation. I wanted to get inside the super community as it might help me find Harry and his young lady. And they showed up offering me the ability to join them in some capacity. Even the asshole seemed to propose that initially.

No. That wasn't all of it. It was after the asshole left. The hot witch. Zatanna. What was it? Was it… no, not it. How about… nope, not it either. Was it something she said? Not yet… there! Found it. It was her expression of when she offered to help me find Harry. No. Not just that. It was Zatanna's expression when she saw the photo of Harry. She couldn't put it down.

Something was definitely off. I may not have been an auror any longer, but that didn't make me and less stupid, or lacking in observation skills. It was just that my observation priorities took a different route than a typical auror's.

I replayed yesterday morning's conversation with the JLA mystics a few times in my head. Nothing was off when I mentioned searching for my godson to them. But when I mentioned the young girl? Then showed the sketch I had of them to Zatanna? That was when her demeanor changed.

She knew something. Maybe both knew something. They didn't let me know they knew, but I knew they knew and that was enough to know something was rotten since they weren't sharing even though they were the heroes in this land.

Had Harry and his young lady run into them in the past? Did they have some sort of altercation? Was Harry in the Justice League now, where it was a closed membership to anyone not wearing tight spandex showing their bulges? If so, how could I get in there?

Hmmm. Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. I could put on a superhero costume to combat them. But if I did that, my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible… a… a…

"Squeek!"

I looked outside and saw it. There was a rat on the ledge out there. This high up and there was a bloody rat. Wait a tic… That's it! It's an omen if I've ever seen one, and I've seen the Omen. I shall become Ratma…

"You hungry?" Monica inquired of me, the covers moving with her smile.

Ratman could wait! Mama didn't raise no dummy here!

"You bet," I smiled that roguish grin that I led a semi-blessed life to have and burrowed back under the covers to the younger woman's obvious delight.

An hour later we ordered breakfast. After that, I would need to look into a super solution.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

 **Author's Note:**

I'll give a special shout-out to whoever finds the reference to Ratman. I'll give you a hint: Foglio.


	6. Chapter 6: Sirius Gets a Costume 2F

2F: Sirius Gets a Costume

By **Steve2**

 **Disclaimer** : This is a work of fiction. I do not own anything related to DC Comics or its characters. I do not own anything related to Harry Potter or its characters. This is just a bit of silliness that came to me and wouldn't leave until I put it to paper. Or something like that.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Dripping wet, towel around his waist, Sirius exited the bathroom and looked around his suite. Monica had left while Sirius had taken his 30-minute shower. Now that he thought about it, that was becoming a habit. Maybe he'd have to invite the next woman into the shower with him to keep her from leaving without leaving her floo address. Or telephone. Whatever the case.

Well, he needed to get onto that walkabout. Maybe think more on how to enter the world of those crazy costumed people.

He slipped the towel off, dried his hair some more, and walked around the room looking for his clothes, or anything he could wear. He really needed to learn how to pack, he thought.

However, 16 people in a building across from the hotel who happened to see a naked Sirius Black walk around his room looking for clothes through a window whose shade Monica had opened earlier to allow some sunlight in when she had been looking for a lost shoe, well… they all had different ideas than Sirius' thoughts of needing to learn how to pack.

Sirius found some clothes, dressed, didn't notice the 16 people watching him from across the street go back to their own business, and instead went downstairs to start another walkabout. Desk Manager P suggested waiting at Central Perk again and the walkabout guide would meet him there. A general description of the bloke given, Sirius headed for his new favorite snack shop, even if they didn't have decent tea.

Soon enough, drink in one hand and pastry in another while reading about some previous activities in the local paper which didn't have moving pictures (which was just wrong, Sirius thought), his reading was interrupted by a man in what appeared to be his late 40's clearing his throat. Sirius looked up and saw the individual Desk Manager P described. Hair partly gray while also slicked back. Thick mustache, shirt unbuttoned in top three buttons only, and an obvious lack of personal space.

"Mr. Black?" the man started.

Sirius swallowed the pastry bite and said, "Stan?"

"Yes sir," the man sat down. "Stan Lee. Good to meet you. I understand you want a guide while touring the city."

"I'm doing a walkabout, you know," Sirius clarified, maybe.

"Ah yes. A walkabout the city. Gotcha. Well, I can certainly help you there. I know everything there is about this city."

"Who owns this shop then?"

"Gunther Rittau," Stan replied immediately.

"I thought Gunther was just the guy who ran the machine inside that went hwoshhhhh."

"The espresso machine? A common misconception. He owns the place as well as runs the machine that goes hwoshhhhh."

"Okay, you'll do," Sirius said, impressed that the guy knew about the machine he was talking about.

"Good to hear, Mr. Black."

"Ack. No more calling me Mr. Black. Call me Sirius."

"Very well," Stan smiled. "Now is there any place you would like to start off with here in the city on your walkabout?"

Sirius thought about it for a minute and said, "Do you know where a costume shop is?"

"I know of several, Sirius. Do you have any sort of costume in mind?"

"You know, I really don't. Not yet."

"Then may I suggest going to Resistance Piece-Meal. There you can get daily rentals on costumes until you find one that works for you. Most of the costumes there come with their own accessories which you can also try out while you are about town looking for some companionship, if you know what I mean."

"I don't know what you mean, Stan," Sirius replied.

"You know, while you are getting your groove on," Stan gave him a wink.

"Still drawing a blank," Sirius replied.

"You know, while you are cruising to encounter some ladies," Stan drawled out the word ladies.

The lightbulb clicked. "You mean villains that are ladies?"

"Sure. Let's go with that."

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Stan took Sirius to the costume shop. As typical in Metropolis, there wasn't any available parking on the street which wasn't a problem for the two since they had walked there. Stan introduced Sirius to the proprietor, Ralph Lauren (no relation) who knew everything there was about the costume and cape business, down to what Velcro could and could not do, as well as what a utility belt should include but some people don't bother to stock, much to their chagrin nine months later.

"Welcome to Resistance Piece-Meal, the one-stop shop for the hero or villain to do their hero-ing or villain-ing in style. Can I help you?" said an elderly man who had seen a few things thousands of times over his years in Metropolis.

Stan began a conversation with Ralph while Sirius walked about the shop. Sirius was amazed at all the costumes and spent an hour trying on several. They all fit. Mostly. His gut wasn't as non-flabby as it once had been, but that starvation diet wasn't something he wanted to repeat.

"Is there anything you can tell me about the differences in the costumes?" Sirius inquired, working on establishing an identity in the superhero world.

"You mean does that costume you're wearing allow you to fly? Or the one you're holding make you invulnerable?"

"Yeah, like that," Sirius beamed.

"Then no. None of these costumes do anything other than make you look good while doing your hero or villain work. Is there any question you have about them that I can help you decide which one would suit your needs best?"

"Hmmm," Sirius let out. "They both look good in different ways. And frankly so do many of the other costumes here. I'm unsure which one to buy."

"Understandable. Now I don't mind you trying on an outfit, and even taking it out for a spin, but buyer beware: you break it, you buy it," Ralph cautioned.

"I can live with that," Sirius nodded, used to a merchant taking precautions. Sirius set up an account and selected three outfits to give a spin in. He would try them on or as many as it took to get that identity just right. Of course, he needed to pay a non-refundable dry cleaning fee upfront, but that was the price of doing business. Of course, had Sirius noticed the price on the dry cleaning fee, he would have just purchased the costume as it was over two-thirds the cost.

As Ralph wrapped up Sirius' trial-costumes, Stan said, "Just so you know, I'm a little too old to be a sidekick. So I'm not going to ask for a costume."

"That's fine," Sirius replied.

"But I'm not too old to be your driver if you need one to get around this city."

"Do I need a driver if I'm doing a walkabout?" Sirius was again confused.

"In a way, no. But are you planning on "arresting" some female villains?" Stan suggested.

"The thought had come up," Sirius admitted, hoping that arresting villains would attract the attention of his wayward godson.

"Then do you want to walk all the way from the villainess' lair to where you need to take her?" Stan said more than asked.

"Hmmm. Hadn't thought of that," Sirius rubbed his chin in thought.

"Having a driver handy means you could take her for proper interrogation, if you know what I mean. Wink-wink and all that," Stan suggested.

"Yes, I can certainly see the benefit of having a driver. You're hired!"

"Fantastic! I've got a great car that can be invisible when it needs to be."

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Sirius sat in the front seat while his costumes rode in the back while Stan drove them in a convertible around town. The car was a '69 Chrysler Newport and had seen many good year, as well as many bad ones. Sirius was sure the car was invisible as people took pains not to see the smoke spewing out the tailpipe. However, of greater concern, Sirius was unsure if the car was reliable. Still, needs must…

Stan pointed out a building to Sirius. "Now this little area is known as Soho. That club over there? Yeah, that one? Great place to pick up a little companionship. It opens at 6pm, but don't bother going until at least 10pm."

"More criminal activity then?" Sirius began to think like a cop again.

"Absolutely. And, uh, plenty of evil women in there. So bring plenty of cash, eh?"

"You know, this place is a lot like the other five locations you've shown me today," Sirius pointed out.

"If you're… ah… going to be a superhero, you need to know where the crime happens so you can step in and… ah, you know, arrest it if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I can see that," Sirius nodded in agreement. "You're okay, you know?"

"Thanks! But I can only accept a bonus if I get you involved with a Villainess or two," Stan smirked.

"And this is one of the places they hang out?"

"You bet! Lots of capes, and, uh, cape-wanna-be's show up here looking for a little action. You know. Wink-wink style."

"Anyone famous?" Not that Sirius would know them in or out of costume, but it was still good to ask.

"Well, Cleavage Woman and her criminal partner, Lady Soplo-Trabajo usually frequent this place. Every night from what I've heard," Stan said, making a right on a cross street, and cutting off the pedestrians.

"Really? And they don't get arrested?" Sirius was amazed that two villainesses could get away with villain work daily and still be out of prison.

"Oh, they get arrested all right. Usually out on bail as soon as they go in front of judge."

"They get out of jail that quick? Must not be too hard to beat," Sirius meant beating as in relation to a super-powered fight.

"Oh, they're pretty hard core if you know what I mean," Stan stifled a laugh.

Another light bulb moment for Sirius happened. "Are you talking about sex?"

"Uh…" Stan avoided.

"Cape groupies here?" Sirius pressed.

"Uh…" Stan continued to avoid.

"Sweet! Just the thing I need to check out as a starting-out superhero," Sirius knew.

Stan smiled and said, "Indeed it does. So what time do you want me to pick you up tonight?"

"You know, you sure do know a lot about this town. What's your day job? Travel agent?" Sirius asked with genuine interest.

"No. Comic book writer. Well, one day maybe. I just can't get anyone interested in characters like a kid who has the proportional strength, speed, and agility of a spider, or a guy who turns green when he's angry."

"Huh," Sirius said, lost in thought to the point he didn't notice Stan take another corner too close to the pedestrians. "I know people turn red when they're angry, but green? Go figure. Anyway, those sound good to me. But what do I know? I'm kind of new to the super biz and all that."

"I hear you. Here's your hotel. I'll stop by tonight and take you to where you can encounter some evil villainesses."

"Great. Say, I can't expect you to do all this for free. How about I pay you?"

"I'd appreciate that. How about I hand the desk manager in there a bill for my services and they put it against your room?"

"Fantastic! That way I can stick someone else doing the bills back home."

"Got an accountant that takes care of all that, do you?"

"I've got four of them. I call them the Fantastic Four for what they've saved on my taxes," Sirius smiled as he exited the car.

"Until tonight then, Sirius," Stan drove off, much to the relief of the bell captain.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Later that evening, Sirius read Miranda her rights. Fortunately, she stayed and took a shower with him in the morning instead of escaping. And after they'd had breakfast, Stan called up to the room and offered to take Right Hook Miranda to jail so Sirius could get some more sleep. Sirius accepted and never knew that the jail Stan referred to was a nickname for a coffee bar where Miranda (real name: Stacy Johnson) was treated to some treats and expressos by her coworkers who wanted all the details on the rich bozo she hooked up with, and did he want even more company.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

 **Author's Note:**

Now what will Sirius do when he is on his first hero gig? How will he even recognize it?


	7. Chapter 7: Introducing Psychic-Guy! 2G

2G: Superman vs. Cats, Dogs, and Aliens – and Introducing Psychic-Guy!

By **Steve2**

 **Disclaimer** : This is a work of fiction. I do not own anything related to DC Comics or its characters. I do not own anything related to Harry Potter or its characters. This is just a bit of silliness that came to me and wouldn't leave until I put it to paper. Or something like that.

 **Shout-out:** Thundramon had a very good idea of who Ratman was, but it wasn't what I was thinking of. Instead, Robert Asprin wrote the Myth books with Skeeve and Aahz as the main characters. Phil Foglio illustrated the trade books, and eventually illustrated the graphic novel of the first book: Another Fine Myth. In that graphic novel version, Skeeve had an illusion around him when he was "hanged" and kept it up when it was thrown onto a trash heap. It was on that trash heap that his thought went to becoming a crime fighter, named… Ratman. That is, until Aahz, who had also been hung, woke up.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Superman flew between the skyscrapers of Metropolis with ease. He had the experience and enjoyed the evening. He wouldn't later as that was when the bars got out and the criminal activity wave kicked in. But for now, it was enjoyable.

WHACK! SPLOT!

What the…

SPLORCH!

Superman stopped his flight and looked around for the culprit. Not seeing anyone, he looked at the damage. He had parts of balloons on his torso. He was wet. His hair was drenched. If he didn't have super senses, he would have sworn someone had just hit him with a water balloon. He looked at the different color pieces on his sleeve. Correction: make that several water balloons.

Kal-El continued flying as he sought a place to dry off. His route took him past the tall business buildings and then past the brownstones and homes of the city residents. There. The city park. The small lake area was clear at this time of night. He looked around and didn't see anyone. Good. He needed to dry off.

He was a mile away from the park and had gotten lower when he heard something. It was animal, that was for certain. He knew that much at least from having lived on a farm. But what… oh. Oh crap. There were cats following him. He looked for another route and nearly stopped again. More cats from that way as well. And that noise… oh. Oh crap. Dogs too.

Superman landed and estimated he had 32 seconds before the first cat got to him. Why were they converging on him? He took a sniff. What the… He'd not been hit with water balloons. Darn it! He'd been hit with balloons filled with eau de cat! Or dog seeing how many canines were bounding towards him as well.

The last son of Krypton began running towards the park, and the pond. Lake, pond, whatever! He needed to take a swim. Quickly. He didn't dare fly as there was a bit of a wind and it was already carrying his scent just about everywhere.

A few people on the street saw him, saw the cats, saw his panicked look, saw the thousands of cats (and dogs now) heading towards the Man of Steel, and did the prudent thing. They took out cameras and began snapping pics. The good thing about the mid-1990's was that just about every store sold some form of disposable camera. Which meant they were cheap and purchased by a large amount of people in Metropolis in order to get snaps of heroes and villains, and if lucky, heroes battling villains.

Superman running away from cats was something new and sure enough, Mr. Brian Williams (no relation) caught the perfect (or possibly: "purrfect") picture of the scene which was published the next day by the Weekly World News with the caption: **Superman – Metropolis' New Cat Man?**

Meanwhile, Superman hoofed it for the watering hole. As he crested the slight hill, the first thing he noticed that was off were the two alien ships next to the water. What he then noticed was off were the additional 15 ships in the process of landing. The ships were smaller than human-norm. They were the approximate size of a round-like Space Shuttle, if that shuttle could hold thousands of troopers and crew, all ready to do battle with the dreaded humans in this sector of space.

Fortunately, the alien troops disembarking the ships down the extended ramps looked about the size of small rats, so the size of the ships could actually house thousands of troops each. Which was unfortunate for Superman as they saw him, raised their adorable-looking shoulder rifles on their rat-like bodies and fired off four bursts, three of which actually hit and paralyzed three quarters of his massively-powerful body.

Unfortunately for the Ryalians (which Superman didn't know but later used the JLA database to replay the event and was able to translate what they said), their shots only partially paralyzed the Man of Steel and didn't have a kinetic component that would have knocked him several kilometers away. Why it was unfortunate that Superman fell down where he crested the hill became apparent as the Ryalians began to set up their perimeter and saw a feline crest the hill. Followed by more felines. And canines. And massively more canines and square root that of felines.

Worse, the approaching Earth creatures appeared to be in a frenzy.

The Ryalians who didn't run for the ramps (which was most of the ground troops since they hadn't gotten the memo which went around to the ship's crews weeks ago), raised their weapons and fired. Bolts of charged light impacted the creatures. All to no effect. They had no idea the weapons had been configured to human and human-like frequencies and not feline or canine.

This was a shame for them, but a resounding plus for the cats and dogs who jumped past Superman who now didn't smell as appetizing as the small rodent-sized creatures that smelled so delish. Dozens, then hundreds, then thousands of cats and dogs of all sizes, types, and breeds crested the hill and ran with a renewed vigor to the scrumptious morsels with the pretty lights.

All too soon, the tiny Ryalians who hadn't made it to the safety of the ships were face to face with cats and dogs. All of which took the opportunity to jump on each one and attempt to rut with the Ryalians.

Ryalian shouts turned to screams which then morphed to pleas and crying. Cats and dogs sounded like creatures in heat getting a bit a fun in before it was time to head home. A sound came from the ships which caused the remaining Ryalians to drop their tech and run for the safety of the ships. Once on, the ramps withdrew, and the ships shot to the sky.

Superman's paralysis dropped out of the nervous system and he began to massage his arms. All told, about 10 minutes had gone by. It was now about 10:15pm on a Thursday night. The moon was partial, clouds were in the sky, and the cats and dogs seemed to have regained their senses and were leaving, hoping to never talk to one another again, especially to talk about what just happened. Or sniff butts.

Superman used his telescopic vision and watched as the last of the alien ships exited the stratosphere, noticed the felines and canines showing interest in him again, and jumped into the tiny lake where he scrubbed the eau de cat off. He flew about a dozen feet above the lake, spun a few thousand times in a few seconds to dry off, and then landed.

The cats and dogs lost interest in the odd human and quickly dispersed. Superman again looked at the retreating aliens. "What the heck just happened?" he wondered aloud more to himself than anyone specific.

However, someone specific answered. In an instant a man appeared with a 'pop' sound and said, "Ta Da! Mission accomplished. And… _you're_ _welcome_!"

The man wore a red and black costume that looked more like a pirate lost a bet to a ninja who was enjoyed a festive codpiece and tall boots. He wore headgear that almost looked like a motorcycle helmet, if a helmet had a back opening for a mullet in a color that was obvious that it wasn't the man's hair, or even real hair. A dark helmet covered the face and facial hair jutted out under the helmet.

"What?" Superman replied. "Who are you and what do you mean, 'you're welcome'?"

The oddly-costumed man struck a pose and announced, "Ah, my friend. I am Psychic-Guy and I apologize for dousing you with the concentrated cat pheromone, but I _**knew**_ it was the best way to get rid of those silly aliens. After all, I used my inner-eye and ' _ **saw'**_ how it would unfold."

"Really?" replied Superman, willing to take the statement at face value as he had heard a lot of other odd things that were weirder, and also true.

"Well, no," Psychic-Guy admitted. "Not even close. You see, I was in the park last night, taking a run while trying to figure out how to get into the superhero game when I overheard this one space guy talking to his buddies about setting up an invasion and using some sorta crypto nanny-thing ray to shoot Superman down and then the world was theirs. Then another guy said they would need to quickly release the biotoxins that would eliminate the feline and canine species on the planet and allow them to invade without recourse.

"I figured if they didn't like cats and dogs for some reason, then it was imperative to get dogs and cats to the landing site and take care of those creeps. Since they mentioned you as someone they wanted to take out, I figured you might want to get in on this endeavor."

"Really," Superman said more than asked with a deadpan expression.

Psychic-Guy shook his head. "No, not really. You were conveniently available, so I decided to use you to inadvertently wrangle up some kitties and doggies."

"Really," Superman deadpanned even more than before.

"Yes, really. You don't talk much, do you?" Psychic-Guy inquired in his British accent.

"How did you know what they were saying? That wasn't English they were speaking," Superman pointed out, noticing that the authorities would soon be there, and he wanted to have a statement ready.

"Oh, last night this dweeb was all whah-whah-whah and I thought if I told him to shut it, he wouldn't understand. So I just did a quick listen conversion and I was hearing everything in English after that. You should try that sometime," Psychic-Guy suggested helpfully.

"What are you talking about?" Superman was as confused now as he was earlier.

Psychic-Guy leaned in and in a conspirator-type manner whispered, "Don't tell anyone, but I'm new to the superhero game. My name's not really Psychic-Guy.

"Psychic-Guy?" Superman had heard of worse names, but not that many.

"Doesn't really fly, right? Yeah, I thought the same thing. Oh well." The new superhero took off his helmet and magiced his costume back to its original layout which was Green Ninja Meets Biker. "Call me Sirius then. Sirius Black."

Sirius ran his hands through his hair to get it back to its messy state so his roguish good looks could be seen by one and all.

Sirius extended his hand and he and the Man of Steel shook. Superman was simply too startled at not having realized this was Sirius Black even though he'd seen pictures of the man. He certainly never thought to mention this to Sirius and Sirius was not going to let Superman know he had an active confundus field operating which affected all non-magicals in range.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

 **Author's Note 1:**

Superman finally meets Sirius at long last.

 **Author's Note 2:**

In June, 2019, my company decided it didn't need me any longer and said to not let the door hit my ass on the way out. Here in the US, I wish I could say that didn't happen often… but it does. I began my job search right away and by mid-August, 2019 I was again employed. I work some very odd hours as I coordinate work with a national and international team members. I have jumped into work and have spent months learning as much as I can. I suspect that will continue for some time.

Writing is fun and I enjoy it. It does not pay the bills. I will write as I can but suspect it will be slower updates for a bit. I still have more to this story to write. Two more chapters follow for the Superman story arc, and I have quite a bit defined for the next story arc.

Thank you all for your reviews and comments. They do motivate me to write.


	8. Chapter 8: Me Am Bizarro 2H

2H: Me Am Bizarro

By **Steve2**

 **Disclaimer** : This is a work of fiction. I do not own anything related to DC Comics or its characters. I do not own anything related to Harry Potter or its characters. This is just a bit of silliness that came to me and wouldn't leave until I put it to paper. Or something like that.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

"Sirius's Hero Journal, entry . -de-do-dah. It has been several weeks since Superman started showing me the super-ropes on how to be a superhero. For some reason he seems reluctant to show me how to actually catch perps and restrain them. We seem to concentrate on catching muggers, going to photo-ops, and looking for cats in trees.

"If things don't pick up around here, I may have to ditch him and find some new super-company if only to find out how the super community actually handles super issues." Sirius stopped his narration and the floating quill stopped on the page. Sirius didn't notice that the quill kept leaching ink onto the page in a large ink splotch. "Am going to ask Pete and Cosmo about it in morning."

"Sirius?" a sleepy voice inquired from the ruffled sheets and blankets on the bed. "Come back to bed," a sultry voice stated.

"Closing thought: super outfits are one thing but showing up at a bar in a super outfit and can actually do a few super tricks, now that's where you earn your super rewards, woof! Be right there! Getting some whip cream!"

Having a hero journal was a suggestion by Superman a few days ago and Sirius gave it a go. However, Sirius needed to work on using a journal correctly as when he re-read that entry the next day, instead of a few words he made in the middle of the night, it had instead kept recording everything he and the young lady said for the next few hours until they both fell back asleep. On a positive note, Monica seemed to have a very good time.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

"Sirius?" Superman began as he took a seat at the outdoor café table.

Sirius looked up from reading the paper (he loved the comic strips) and raised an eyebrow to Superman. They were at Central Perk, which had become Sirius's prime place to reside when not taking hero lessons, or, you know, staying in bed during a sleepover.

"Yo," Sirius greeted, then took a slurp of something called Gunther's Surprise in which the surprise was how much on fire a mouth would become due to the amount and quantity of different pepper spices he put in the drink. It was intended as a wake-me-up for those individuals who were out too late the previous evening and that had to get to work in the morning with a clear head. Or at least needed a viable excuse for why they were throwing up in their wastebasket once they got into the office. But the surprise was on Gunther this time. Sirius found the drink refreshing. Most magicals would.

"Hi, my name's Rachel. Would you like anything?" Rachel asked Superman while she brought Sirius another Gunther Surprise.

"Thank you, no, miss," Superman said soothingly. "I'm just here to talk to a friend."

As he said this, Sirius waved his stick about for a moment and then put it away.

"What did you just do?" Superman asked once Rachel left.

"Notice-Me-Not spellwork. The bystanders were starting to gawk." Slurp. Aaahhhhh that hit the spot.

"So they don't notice me now?"

"Oh, they still notice you, but they don't notice me," Sirius replied.

"Aren't they still going to gawk at me? I mean, I'm still in uniform."

"Not that they can tell, you're not."

"What?"

"Your super stuff interferes with this spell. So I changed it up a bit. No one notices me sitting at a table with a rather big bloke who is sitting there naked," Sirius explained as if it were perfectly normal. And in a way it was normal. He and James were on a couple stakeouts a long time ago and ran some of these kinds of spells to alleviate the boredom of being on a bloody stakeout. Superman's super stuff was just something he had to work around, and truth be told, it was as good an excuse as any to practice that spell-chain. Ssslllluuuurrrrrpppppp. Ahhhh.

"So… people don't see you, but they _**do**_ see me."

"Correct," Sirius nodded.

"And they don't see my clothes," Superman clarified slowly.

"Correct again," Sirius finished his first Gunther Surprise.

"People are still looking over here," Superman ground out as he put a napkin on his lap. Actually, he took every napkin on the table and put it on his lap.

"Not the blokes. See? They're avoiding looking at you. The lovely ladies? Now they are looking at you with a smile in some cases."

"Sirius, I'm in a relationship," Superman started.

"Hey! Me too! I have a relationship every night," Sirius grinned.

"Sirius, I don't like sitting here naked."

"That's the beauty of it," Sirius explained with a grin as he recalled a similar explanation with Jeb Stuart, an auror he was on stakeout with one night when James was off dealing with a very pregnant Lily. "You're not actually naked. You have clothes on. The other people just think you aren't wearing anything. Great, eh?"

"Sirius," Superman said with an edge to his voice.

"Fine, fine," Sirius waved his hand a bit. "There. They see you in your outfit again. Spells are canceled. Sorry about making you feel uncomfortable."

"Thank you," Superman replied.

"I haven't had anything to eat yet. Want something? Breakfast sandwich or a pastry? I'm partial to Danishes myself. My treat. I still feel bad about that spell."

"No, I…"

"It would make me feel better if I got you a peace offering. C'mon, big guy. You know you want something," Sirius prompted.

"Fine. I could go with a sticky bun."

"You got it," Sirius smiled and got up. "Here, try this drink," he passed over the untouched Gunther Special. "It's pretty good and I'll get another one. Be right back."

Superman wasn't going to take Sirius's drink, but did take a smell of it. It did smell spicy, sweet, and exotic all at once. Since Sirius was now in the café, he took an experimental sip after all. Mmmm. It was tasty.

A fist bashed into the side of his head and he flew across the street where a parked car stopped his progress.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Inside Central Perk, Sirius went straight to the counter. "Sirius," Gunther nodded, still confused why one of his wake-up specials hadn't produced a screaming, crying wreck of a man by now in this customer of his.

"Hey, Gunther," Sirius returned. "I'm going to need a lemon Danish and a sticky bun, biggest you have."

"Coming right up," Gunther replied. "You want either of these cayenne-peppered?"

"That's your secret ingredient in your drink, right?"

"Yeah, sure," Gunther hedged.

"Go for it," Sirius beamed, always up for some spice in his life.

Gunther went to the back to make some special pastries for his customer.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Superman shook the stars from his head and noticed a familiar figure flying towards him with a grim determination.

Bizarro Superman was again on the loose. One of Luthor's creations that had gotten away from the bald scientist/businessman.

Superman caught Bizarro's outstretched fist, spun 360 a few hundred times in the span of two seconds and whipped him up to the sky.

While gone, Superman looked around the street and sidewalks. No one was critically injured, but there were a few cuts from…

WHAM!

Bizarro had flown straight down and punched Superman into the pavement. That was new for Bizarro, he thought before the pavement obscured his vision.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Rachel returned to the counter with another drink order. She smiled at her best tipper. "Hi, Sirius," she said, putting her drink order down and promptly forgetting about it much to her other customer's irritation. "Hey, I meant to ask you something."

"Shoot," Sirius schmoozed back to the young waitress, much to Gunther's irritation, to the point he added more cayenne pepper to each pastry. Then threw on some green chili extract to the lemon Danish since he was pretty sure rich-boy out there was going to eat that as he ordered it quite a bit.

"So… how are you and Monica doing?"

"In what regard?"

"You know, with you being a superhero and all that. I just want to make sure she doesn't get into any trouble, if you know what I mean," she said.

"Oh, no trouble at all. I use protection."

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Superman reversed his downward momentum and shot up the hole Bizarro made, the crystalline entity having already moved out of the way in order to better continue the fight. Superman flew at and then slugged Bizarro in the stomach, the face, the head, and then the jaw, hoping for better reactions than what he got. Bizarro was not going down.

Superman knew what was going on. Somehow Luthor must have ratcheted up Bizarro's abilities. He needed to get out of this area before innocents got hurt.

Bizarro dropped to his back and used his feet to ensnare Superman's ankle where he then twisted the man of steel back to the ground and jumped onto his back in a classic wrestling move.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

"No, no," Rachel smiled and waved off the comment. "Not that kind of protection. I'm referring to the kind of protection she might need if she were caught in a super-scuffle. I don't want my best friend getting hurt."

"Oh, I see. Hmm. Yes, I see your point. But truth be told, I've been here a month and haven't had a super fight yet. Haven't even seen one."

"Hey everyone!" a nameless character yelled from inside the Perk, having checked what was going on outside through the main window of the place. "Superman is outside fighting someone!"

"Until now," Sirius replied, handing her a c-note. "For the pastries. Keep the change. I'll get them later."

Sirius exited the Perk and saw the carnage. Both Superman and a crystal-version of Superman were trading blows that had both smacking cars, buildings, sidewalks, trees, and pavement. Cars were destroyed. Buildings and brownstones were missing chunks. The only good thing was that there were no people on the streets at this time.

However, one or both of those two had flattened the many wire chairs and tables owned by Central Perk. And with that his drink he offered to Superman was also ruined. His eyes narrowed, his wand slipped into his grasp and a spell was on his lips as old training took over.

"Petrificus Totalus!" he ordered, a beam of light hitting both brutes in mid-blow, and mid-air too. Both stopped immediately and true to Newton's law of universal gravitation, both fell to the ground, frozen in their last action to punch one another.

"You bloody gits!" he shouted at the both of them. He took a few breaths and calmed down. "Ruddy bastards, both of you," he snarled.

Sirius left both of them where they fell as he got to work repairing crushed cars, crushed furniture, crushed streets, crushed sidewalks, crushed lamp posts, and broken buildings and homes. He muttered under his breath the entire time, and not just incanting spells. "Stupid idiots… REPARO! Bloody useless wankers… REPARO! Should charge them for all this… REPARO!"

Within four minutes, the street was returned to normal, the cars looked better than new, the buildings were repaired and lost any sort of graffiti tags, and several trees were re-rooted and limbs re-attached, but it wouldn't take much for them to fall again since the re-attached parts were no longer alive. Sirius turned his attention to the two super stiffs still frozen in mid-swing. The fact both were now on the ground, on their sides and unable to move was not an accident. Nor was him leaving them like that while he did repairs. A wave of the wand and they were both upright, although still frozen.

"Right, then," Sirius began as his old instructor had advised him to when taking control of rioters. "What was all this about? Superman, you go first," he released Superman from the spell.

Superman stood upright, stretched his back and cracked some kinks out of his neck while saying, "I'm not really sure, Sirius. I was sitting here enjoying myself when this super-powered Bizarro version of myself came at me and well, one thing led to another."

"Right. You. Bizarro Superdude. I'm going to release you in a moment and when I do, you better be on your best behavior or I'll freeze you again. Grunt if you understand."

"Urrgghh," Bizarro Superman attempted to grunt.

"Good enough." Sirius unfroze Bizarro. "Now, what's your deal? Why did you fight Superman here?"

"Bizarro Superman want girlfriend. Other Superman gets girlfriend since he is hero. When Bizarro is hero, he get girlfriend," the chalky, crystalline-ish super answered.

Sirius tapped his wand in his palm and asked, "How is fighting Superman going to make you a hero?"

"Winner of big fight is always hero," was the simply reply.

"That's ridiculous…" Superman began.

"No it's not," Sirius interrupted. "Bizarro is right. The winner of every fight is the hero."

"But I don't win all my fights," Superman explained, trying to get his point across to his Bizarro counterpart.

"I didn't say the hero was the good guy, if you know what I mean," Sirius winked in a good-natured way as if Superman would pick up on it. James would have, he knew.

"I don't get it," Superman replied.

"Me get it. You understand," Bizarro Superman smiled.

"Damn straight I get it. But let me boil this down to simple math, okay?" Sirius said.

"Okay…?" Superman hedged, unsure of what was going to happen.

Sirius looked both super guys in the eyes and said, "We need to get Bizarro Superman here laid."

"Word!" Bizarro Superman exclaimed loudly, nearly breaking some windows.

"I don't know what we can do to resolve that," Superman immediately replied, having gone through hundreds of scenarios to get this Bizarro clone of himself a girlfriend. He even ran a Dating Game simulation through his lightning-fast mind, but it still failed.

Sirius was shocked. "Really? You don't know? Then let Uncle Sirius take care of this. Bizarro, if I get you laid, will you promise to be good until and after that?"

"Word! Word!" Bizarro nearly jumped up in the sky for joy.

"Good for you. Now, Superman, I need to make sure that big strong Bizarro here doesn't hurt his, uh, special girlfriend that I have in mind for him. How can I do that?"

Superman sighed in defeat and said, "I'll have the Watchtower send you some equipment. It's a special light. Give it two minutes to affect his biology so that instead of being parahuman strong, he is simply baseline-human strong. Leave light on for as long and Bizarro and his, uh, lady friend, are, uh, (blush), you know…"

"Kissing?" Sirius suggested.

"Yes," Superman said in relief.

"Okay," Sirius replied. "But do I need to leave the light on when they have sex?"

"Whoop! Whoop!" Bizarro whooped for joy.

Superman dropped his face into his hands. "Yes," he admitted. "You said you have an idea of where to find a girlfriend for Bizarro?"

"You bet," Sirius nodded sagely. Stan, the Man, was more than happy to show him the best parts around town for that.

"Okay. You're in charge of Bizarro," Superman said since he was still in charge.

"Sweet!" Sirius beamed. "C'mon Bizarro. We have some work to do to get you presentable for the ladies I'm going to introduce you to tonight. Hey, Superman, you have some cash I can borrow for tonight?"

Superman signed again. "Here. Use my card, and don't lose it. Keep me updated with what happens."

"You want pictures too?" Maybe Sirius was wrong about Superman being a man of the world.

"What?" Superman said in alarm.

Sirius knew he wasn't wrong about that earlier impression. "Nothing, big guy. Nothing!"

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Hours later.

"Hey, Rachel," Monica started as she entered Central Perk. "You seen Sirius around?"

"Hey, Mon," Rachel replied. "Yes I have and what a morning. He wanted me to let you know that he may miss you tonight as he has some super business to attend."

"Yeah, right," Monica returned. "Did Ross put you up to that? I know he tried to have Joey scare him off."

"No, it's true. He really does have some super business to attend to tonight."

"Uh-huh. And how do you know about that?"

"Because he beat up Superman this morning," Rachel said.

"…what?"

"He beat up Superman this morning," Rachel said and showed him a picture she had developed from the instant camera Gunther kept behind the counter.

"Oh… my… god!" Monica said. "He beat up _Superman_ ," she let out quietly.

"I know. I was here when he did it," Rachel consoled her best friend.

"That means I'm dating a villain," Monica reasoned.

"A _super_ villain actually," Rachel corrected.

"I am… _**so lucky**_!"

"I know! He's so rouge-ish," Rachel said dreamily.

"He's my villain! Get your own!" Monica smiled back.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

 **Author's Note:**

Hmmm. Makes me wonder what Monica will say when she finds out that Sirius is a hero and not a villain.


	9. Chapter 9: What a Shi… er… Firestorm 2I

2I: What a Shi… er… Firestorm

By **Steve2**

 **Disclaimer** : This is a work of fiction. I do not own anything related to DC Comics or its characters. I do not own anything related to Harry Potter or its characters. This is just a bit of silliness that came to me and wouldn't leave until I put it to paper. Or something like that.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

Approximately 27 hours later, Sirius found Superman on the Watchtower talking with a bloke whose head was on fire.

"Superman!" Sirius shouted. "Help me put this bloke's head of fire out!" Sirius had his wand out and started a water spell that douse the man as if he were being hit with a firehose. The spell worked like it should, but the fire was still going.

"Sirius!" Superman grabbed the wizard's attention. "This is Firestorm," he tried introducing.

"Names later! We have to put this fire out!" Sirius then conjured a blanket and put it over the man's head. It didn't help as the fire burned through the blanket.

"Sirius!" Superman stopped Sirius from any more spells and again tried to introduce the young man who was not only drenched, but had a smoldering blanket on his lap. "His name is Firestorm. The flames on his head? Part of his power. Nothing to worry about."

"Really? Fire on your head is part of your power?"

"Uh, yes?" Firestorm answered, getting off the floor and removing the wetness from his costume with a snap of his fingers.

"Are you able to sleep at night? You know, since your hair is on fire and all that?"

"I don't have any problems sleeping at night," Firestorm replied.

"Is your pillow able to withstand the flames?"

"Sirius, weren't you taking care of Bizarro?" Superman interjected.

Sirius was well-aware of the misdirection technique. He had used it many times before in his school days. Usually on the teachers. He'd follow up with the flaming head guy later. "Well, yeah," Sirius replied as if it were the most common thing in the world.

Superman smiled helpfully, and asked, "Then may I know why you are here now?"

"Well it's sure not to teach this guy here haircare tips. But seriously, how do you not set off these fire alarm thingies I hear you muggles have with that burning head?"

"It's an illusion, okay?" Firestorm replied since it was a question he got asked a lot.

"No it's not," Sirius waved the answer away. "I know illusions. That's not one. Besides, you torched the blanket I threw on your head."

"Sirius!" Superman again tried to get him back on-topic.

"Oh, right. Right. Okay, the plan to get Bizarro laid has borne fruit."

"What's that mean?" Superman replied with a little suspicion.

"It means that I found a couple pros… uh, _near-capes_ who wanted to bag a big, bad superhero."

"Pros?" Firestorm was unsure what the word meant in that context.

"Professionals," Sirius explained with a wink.

"Professional capes?" Firestorm was still drawing a blank on the context.

"Sure," Sirius winked again. "Let's go with that."

"What?" Superman replied, a blank in his mind.

Sirius had him bamboozled, which was familiar ground for Sirius. He smiled and said, "I know, right? But they each wanted a go at Bizarro, so who was I to say no when he seemed up for the challenge, if you know what I mean, wink-wink."

"What?" Superman repeated.

"I know. And Bizarro was really _up_ for the challenge. Three times. Each. I tell you, Cleavage Woman and Lady Soplo-Trabajo were most appreciative of the time spent with their new boyfriend."

"What?" Superman repeated.

Firestorm smiled as he knew what Sirius was talking about now. He definitely wanted to hear more of this story and motioned with his hand to continue the narrative.

Sirius suddenly remembered something. "Hey, did you know that whatever Bizarro is, he got both of them pregnant right away? They told me about it this morning when all three woke up. And their pregnancy is super-fast. Turns out they are already nearing the end of their first trimester, if you can believe that."

"What?" Superman repeated.

"I know!" Sirius replied to the unasked question that only Sirius heard. "I didn't believe it either, but then I took a better look at the women. Fairly easy since they weren't wearing clothes when they answered the door. They weren't really upset at being pregnant, but they seemed pretty ticked their skin was turning chalky-white and getting harder. Course that's probably for the best since the red light they, um, kissed under burned out sometime overnight."

"What?" Superman repeated.

"Yeah, you might want to check out the reliability of those red lights," Sirius agreed. "So now the two hookers, um near-capes that is are turning into Bizarro-women and are pregnant to boot. And they are both one-third along in their pregnancies, and let me tell you, once they realized they were one-third along, they were happy about that and not having to go through nine months of that if you know what I mean."

"What?" Superman repeated.

"Yeah," Sirius replied, making sure to pantomime a baby bump. "I'm pretty sure they are turning into Bizarro-women to accommodate the fetus. At least that is my theory based on some classes I took at Hogwarts. Let's just say it has happened before and leave it at that. Not that I'm talking from experience or anything. At least that I know of."

"What?" Superman repeated.

"At least no one has come forward to accuse me of… but enough about that," Sirius pushed that memory far away. "Thanks for asking by the way. As for the two _former_ -hookers… er… former pro near-capes, well, I'm not sure what you're thinking about it, but I'm pretty sure this isn't a temporary thing. They look like they're going to convert into Bizarro-women."

"Did you talk to any of the staff down at Star Labs to confirm this hypothesis?" Firestorm inquired, hoping that the women would be okay.

"What?" Superman repeated.

"Sure. First thing I did. Second thing, actually. First thing was to get some pictures of that stupid grin on Bizarro's face."

"What?" Superman repeated.

"I'll show you later, Superman," Sirius replied with that lecherous wink of his. "We really need to finish up with the women who have been affected. After the pics, I called the tower and they sent over some eggheads to the room to get some readings. Good news: Bizarro's DNA is no longer fluctuating all over the place. Seems getting him laid did the trick I hoped it would."

"What?" Superman repeated.

"I'll explain later, okay? Not in front of the fire kid, right? Now the women saw the eggheads, and thought this was a group thing…"

"What?" Superman repeated.

"Gotcha. Sheltered upbringing on your part. I'll explain that later too. Anyway, the eggheads took out their gizmos and did some sort of scanning thingy and then said that what was happening with the women was permanent. Whoo-boy. Let me tell you that those ladies were not pleased at all. Getting all white, chalky, and then crystalline like that was not something they counted on. So I hit the ATM with your credit card and gave them a few thousand more for their troubles."

"What?" Superman repeated.

"Oh, c'mon. It was the decent thing to do since their genetic code-thingy, according to the eggheads, is converting to the Bizarro genetic code. But silver lining for that too. The two ladies have already demonstrated Bizarro-powers. They sure can shout. Once we told them they would likely gain all of Bizarro's powers, they seemed to like that and were okay with the crystalline look. As long as I slipped them another couple grand by tomorrow. Your card is maxed out by the way. Know anyone else I can get a couple thousand more from?"

"What?" Superman repeated.

"No? Hmmm. Maybe I'll just call home and have it sent. Anyway, I'd ask for a bigger salary from the JLA if I were you. Or a larger cash limit on that card. As for the ladies, once I gave them the sorry-for-turning-them-into-Bizarro-women-money, they brought up that they would need to go see their pimp. Now I figured they wanted to give him some of that cash. Turns out I was wrong. Since they were already showing signs of enhanced strength, they were thinking they wanted to beat the crap out of their pimp. Which, I tell you, I totally approve of. I even told them where he was."

"What?" Superman repeated. "I mean, how could you?"

"Easy, I met him when I was coming back in with the ATM cash. Just bumped into him. He went to the counter to see where his women were, and I went to the elevator. I know, I shouldn't have told them. But not to worry about their babies, the two women sent Bizarro Superman after him. Last I saw, the pimp was flying around 200 feet off the ground. Of course, that was due to a little game that Bizarro was playing: you know, throw up a ball, and catch it before it hits the ground. Or in this case, throw up the pimp, and catch him before he hits the ground. The two ladies were helping Bizarro Superman with the timing of the catch."

"What?" Superman repeated.

"Nimble little minxes, I tell you. They wanted to see how far in the sky Bizarro Supie could throw that pimp. His name is Roger Steinbeck, not DeeShawn Jackson like he had been telling everyone. Anyway, they made a game of seeing how long it took Roger to nearly hit the ground each time he got thrown."

"What else could go wrong?" Superman nearly facepalmed.

"Oh!" Sirius remembered. "He came near a jumbo jet a couple times. I hear some people got pics of him in the atmosphere. But not to worry. He didn't hit the plane or get sucked into an engine at all. It was all good fun."

"I don't know what to say to that," Superman turned to Firestorm.

"Same here," Firestorm replied.

"Yeah, me neither. But on the plus side, I did get both ladies to say they weren't going after any of the Republican senators that can't keep their pants zipped if you know what I mean, right?"

"What?" Superman repeated.

"I get it, man. Just Republicans though?" Firestorm wanted to clarify.

"Nope. Samantha Jones said she was going to swear off Republicans, and Miranda Hobbes said she was swearing off Democrats."

"I guess that's good," Firestorm nodded.

"Or was it she was going to quit swearing _**at**_ Democrats. I'm not really sure. Their speech patterns were starting to turn Bizarro-friendly," Sirius said.

Superman shook his head to clear his thoughts. And likely to push what Sirius just told him out of mind.

"So, Sirius, I've been thinking," Superman began.

"Always a good practice," Sirius grinned.

Superman nodded in agreement. "I have been giving you pointers on using your powers in different ways. But how would you like to see the other side of heroing? The dark side that you need to bring justice to?"

"You don't mean…" Sirius started.

"That's right. I think you are at a point you need to visit Batman and see how to operate in his neck of the woods. Sound good to you?" Superman really wanted this to sound good to him.

"Well, I'm not sure…" Sirius hedged.

"The good thing about Batman's neighborhood? Lots of villains you can practice against. They are everywhere in Gotham. You can't sneeze without hitting a villain there," Superman smiled that hero-centric smile of his.

"Well, you sure do make it sound tempting. Lots of villains, right?"

"Absolutely."

"You sold me on it," Sirius nodded in agreement. "I'm going to pack my bags and head for Gotham."

"You do that and I will alert Batman you are on your way," Superman smiled the smile of one who just got rid of a headache.

"Thanks, buddy!" Sirius grinned back.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

One phone call later, Batman said into the receiver: "This is payback, isn't it, you bastard?"

"No, not at all," Superman replied. "What's that, ma? Chores need to be done? Okay. Batman, I gotta go. He'll arrive in Gotham on the 5:22pm Express. Good luck."

"I'll get you for this, Clark."

"You'll try," said a smirking voice.

 **XX-o0o-XX**

 **Author's Notes:**

Okay, I admit to shamelessly swiping the layout concept for the final Sirius/Superman conversation. It is obviously not a conversation that actually happened in a book, comic, or movie, but the overall style of it did happen in a movie. I'll give you three hints: the movie was a comedy in the late 50's, the lead actor died in 1980, and the scene in the movie was part of a non-English dialog in an otherwise English-speaking movie. The first person to give me the name of the actor or the movie will get a special shout-out in the next chapter.


End file.
